2004 - Third Birth

In 2003, we had come back to the States and stayed with my parents while Ben was figuring out where we'd live when we moved closer to his business partner. That autumn, he sent us off to his parents to visit while he went on to his partner's area to look for living arrangements. While at the in-laws, I had occasional mild bouts of nausea that I contributed to my allergies. My MIL asked if I was pregnant and I told her that I didn't think so. Ben had trouble finding a place and wound up renting a room from some friends (husband -D- and wife -S- with 4 children). The morning we flew, I took a pregnancy test. The first words out of my mouth when I saw my husband were, "Hi, I'm pregnant."

The pregnancy went well. I went to our friend's OB and Ben went with me to every appointment. I told him at the first or second appointment that my second baby had been a homebirth and asked him what he thought of midwives. He looked scared and appalled and informed me that it was dangerous and so many things could go wrong and "what about shoulder dysplacia??" (I think he must have meant shoulder dystocia because it's much more common and can be life-threatening in a birthing situation). I just looked at him and researched it when I went home. My answer now is: Change Positions!
I also asked him about what position I could birth in. He seemed nervous and laid the responsibility elsewhere -we would have to ask the hospital, if their policy allowed otherwise maybe I could be in something other than supine. But, he'd always delivered babies the one way and wasn't to be responsible for changing that.

We continued prenatal care with him with no intent of using his services for the actual birth. He was terrified at the idea of malpractice issues (he mentioned that), and scared into thinking that birth was a medical trauma waiting to unfold and that he was the mighty Deliverer that saves women from this unfortunate dilemma!

My friend -S- attended a Bunco game with her church group one Friday a month and invited me along. The first game that I went to was that first month we were there. My due date was on the Monday following the game in the summer and I declared at one game that I wasn't going to make it that night because I'd be in labor.

Sure enough, Bunco night rolled around.. I'd had a cold that week and when I was in the restroom around 6PM I sneezed and *pop* my water broke. There was just a trickle, so I put a pad on. Dinner was ready and we had to leave for the game in an hour. Ben was working late that night, too.

I sat down to dinner with our friends and children and enjoyed the pasta. When I stood up, the baby's head had moved and I gushed a bit! I laughed and asked their second oldest for a towel (he was closest to the kitchen). -S- asked me what I'd spilled (I wasn't holding a cup) and I calmly reported that my water broke. She and her husband looked at each other! -D- asked if I wanted to call Ben, and -S- asked if I was staying home or going to the game. I told them that contractions hadn't started and that I would, indeed, call Ben. I also called my sister, Sue.

Ben arrived in no time! It was about 7PM by then and the contractions started, intense and regular -about 6 minutes apart. -S- went to the Bunco game with strict instructions to call her if the birth seemed imminant. Ben cleaned the tub and ran me a bath.

I got in the tub. I asked Ben for the trashcan and filled it with my dinner, after that I had no further sickness. A.J. came in and out of the room. She splashed the water, but Ben wouldn't let her in with me. -D- put the older 5 children to bed (his 4 and T.J.) and sat with A.J. watching T.V. (her bed was in our room). Sue arrived and we chatted between contractions. Ben rubbed my lower back and that was wonderful.

Labor became intense! The contractions were forceful, literally forcing me to bend forward with my chest almost on my knees. When they changed to pushing contractions, Ben asked me to get out of the tub. We had a shower curtain and towels on the bathroom floor, so I got out and faced the door. My sister sat on the bed and Ben was behind to catch the baby.

I pushed and felt the traction as she slid down. "Ow," I said quietly to Ben. I'd been almost silent in my first labor, so I made sure to verbalize that this was different, like an Indian burn on the arm, "Ow." I pushed her head out and asked if there was any cord around her neck. He said it was clear and I pushed again. Her shoulders were easier than her head and it only took one or two pushes to finish releasing her.

It was 8:44PM and I sat up on the pile of towels and held our new baby. Her head was pointy! This was the first of my babies that had needed to mold its head to get out; no wonder labor was intense! We snuggled her and Sue let -D- know that B.L. was here. He brought A.J. in so they could see her sister. Then he went out to call his wife.

The placenta took about 35 minutes. Sue was squeamish at first, then Ben said it looks like a purple jellyfish. With her interest in Marine Biology, Sue peeked over and agreed -no longer grossed out by the thing itself, just the thought of what it really was.

One of the Bunco ladies is a nurse. She was highly concerned about the homebirth and wanted to come check on me. After the game, she came over and glanced at the baby and asked to feel my belly. She was relieved when she felt the tightened uterus and then enjoyed visiting the new baby real quick before heading home.

Monday, we called the pediatrician to check the baby. He sent us to the hospital for the PKU after checking her over. That day, she measured in at 8 pounds 14 ounces, 22 inches long, so I'm pretty sure she was at least nine pounds at birth. The OB was at the hospital and was peeved at us for having a homebirth and not calling him. Our excuse was she came quick, and then we didn't think of it (which is true).